Remembering Dii on her DEATH ANNIVERSARY

Every year when August 25th hits I think that this year will be different. I won't be sad, I will forget my life shattering 5 years ago. Today is the anniversary of my sister's death. I miss her so much. She was a strength to me in tough times, she gave me support and unconditional love. She was a great mom and a wonderful older sister. It's not that I blame her for leaving ME all alone.I still think about all the times I shared with her. All the times that we had together were so very precious to us. We had a connection that I believe nobody has with anybody, except maybe twins.I often wonder what she would be like if she were alive. I wonder what career goal she would have followed. I wonder if she would have a family of her own. The one thing I do not ever wonder about though is whether we would still be as close. I know, in my head and my heart that we would be just as close if not closer than ever before. I always asked GOD WHY HER...?
I have told myself ever since the day she died, that if I live to have a family of my own, I will tell my children about my experiences with Dii.. When my kids will be old enough to understand what I went through with Dii, her death, and how I coped, then I will share it all with them.

Building Up Wallz

"Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping beauty let her whole life pass by, Belle fell in love with a beast, Pocahontas risked her life for a feast, Jasmine could have had anyone but she chose a poor man, and Ariel, she walked on land."
So many people dislike fairy tales because it makes us believe in love, believe that a prince will swoop down and save us when something goes wrong. But I’ve come to realize that in every fairytale-like movie, every girl took a risk. Took a risk for love, took a risk in the name of love.
So, how do we know if our own fairytale won’t really happen if we don’t try, if we stop believing in love?
I know it’s hard for some of you to put down their guard and to learn to trust someone else sometimes. I know because I’ve been through it. People like us, we distance ourselves from people we genuinely like just because we are afraid to get hurt. But does building up these walls ultimately saves us from hurting?

Sounding SELFISH isnt it...?

I had always heard about relationships bad ending's but never thought they were so bad.They are AWFUL.I just wish everything would get better but NOooo how hard we try IN THE END IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER.Everything happens according to our DESTINY..what all is written up there can not be changed.People say its the matter of hard work but I'm sorry not in relationship's .If we have to live in the REAL WORLD we have to have a practical living,thinking.We are not the actors in a soap or a film, struggling for life and still feels happy about it.Everybody loves to have a secured,soothing,stable life.Although no one can be a futurist but still some how if you know that you gonna struggle hard to survive then who's gonna jump in that condition,some times people does and after wards regret.I am not one of those who regret later on or blame others for their condition.What i do i do it in full confidence otherwise i don't.

Selfish Mean..........

So I have a whole package of personal issues and all that I'm trying very hard to resolve.
And I am trying to be nice and help everyone as much as I can.
But most of the time I end up looking like an a**hole that doesn't care about anyone else but myself.
The problem is I do not look like I have issues I look normal and happy.
but that's because i grew up like that.
Wow i don't even know where to start in fact, I have so much junk in my head.
I frequently end up doing something that i don't like doing because i try to be nice but it burns me up inside. And when I refuse I end up being an a**hole.
How do i deal with this. Because to everyone around me I appear normal so when i say I cant help them they look at me as selfish. when I really want to get my own head straight before worrying about everyone else.
I look normal and happy from outside but thats because i try to keep positive attitude even when there's nothing at all to back it up and it takes a lot of energy to stay like that and not fall into depression but its not obvious to others.

Choosing Between Love And Parents

It all begins when the whole saying "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN THE WATER"comes into play.I just hate the feeling that someone is going to get hurt in the end,whether it's me sacrificing my happiness to make my parents happy or making my parents upset or breaking someone's heart.
I'd like to believe that a happy ending is possible. Am I being naive romantic in choosing love and someone that makes me happy? Or should I self-sacrifice to appease my family?
While seeing the life,we are living in and with the people around i had come to something...which i wanna share....
A suitable match made by parents is likely to be more deliberate; one that time has proved appropriate, and one dictated entirely by their experience an insight their children do not yet possess. Having lived most of their life and learnt the usefulness of certain attributes, mothers and fathers are likely to see qualities such as security, commitment, a good education and great financial and career prospects as paramount in selecting a spouse for their offspring
In short, the parents' choice of partners for their children is usually based on intellectual and material needs while the youngsters themselves seek partners to satisfy physical, emotional ones.The final element young people seek is excitement. And they get that in abundance in the early days of feeling in love' and besotted. In the absence of experience and knowledge, young adults have to rely upon their own instincts, physical demands and individual sensitivity to decide on a mate.
Attraction for most in-love couples at the youthful stage is thus spontaneous and more physical, giving maximum excitement almost reckless, in fact. Ruled totally by emotion and physical needs, it has little time for studied, parental logic, especially if this choice is in opposition to their own!

TOXIC Relationship

Walking away is not easy. Staying away is even harder.It is a day to day battle that allows true strength to emerge.

We will constantly say that the “fight” is silly.The question iz Has the toxic person really changed? Did the events that have recently unfolded been the catalyst to promoting change in that person? Have they shown proof of the change? Do not think that a simple apology or even everyone expecting that things should just go back to normal is evidence of true change. True change takes time. If it happens immediately, which I tend to doubt being true, deep changes, then time should still be taken to ensure that the change will last.Common sense says that if they have changed, then they should understand the need of caution and the importance of seeing long term proof of the change before any sort of commitment can be made to a future with them.

What will happen if they are forgiven and life gets back to normal and the toxic person has not changed?
someone with a history
of or suspicion of possible violence, then more care must be taken in considering whether to believe in the miracle of instant change.

Walking away or ending a relationship is not easy. Some people may make it look easy. When there is a history with the person,it becomes a life or death issue.

It took strength to walk away. It will take even more strength to stay away. With time, the strength required will appear to lessen.

Sister,I LOVE YOU

Diii you were the strongest girl of our home...you did the hard chores,you helped mother at work.You were so simple but alwayz received the blame.You always yearned for love and name but life can be so cruel neva thought.Thanxs for all the times you helped me to face the hardships.When the love and evrything was fading from our family you were the one who took the courage to help us recover back.You looked after me and kept me safe.I miss those fights...i miss those laughs.....You were a piece of heart which no one can take apart because you mean so so much to me.
u use to hold me tight,u use to kiss me goodnight,u use to know when im mad,u use to know when im sad
I have trouble bringing up vivid memories of u. It's not that they don't exist, it's that they stay below the surface most of the time It is a sight I will never forget and it haunted me for many months afterwards. It was if my heart had been ripped out of me for I had lost my very best friend and one of the people I admired most in the world.Many people don’t get that chance and lament about having just a little more time to tell someone how much they were loved. My sister had no doubt of how much I loved her. Yes, we had arguments, but never stayed angry with each other long, and usually ended up laughing and joking about our silly argument. NOTHING is more important than love and family, and my beloved sister, dii taught that to me more than anyone else. Her death is the hardest thing I ever faced in my life. Grief is such a painful experience and, unfortunately, the pain is there for a long time. When I could not sleep,write my thoughts down or just talk out loud to myself when no one else was available to listen.
I still miss her and sometimes cry, and I believe the pain of her loss will ALWAYS be there.I call your name and u dnt answer back,and i look for you in every familiar place
CAN I GET U BACK.........