Being "OKAY"

I've come to realize that you can't get what you want usually. You can't just sit there waiting to be noticed. You can't sit there expecting someone to love you, because the person who feels the same way just may be waiting and sitting like you are. You just need to find each other.
My heart stopped. It just stopped beating. And for the first time in my life, I had that feeling. You know, like the world is moving all around you, all beneath you, all inside you, and you`re floating. Floating in midair. There are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. And when they let you down, shifting from where you`ve carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand.
Every single time that you have asked me to be there for you, I always have been. Even though you weren`t there for me. But this time, when you asked me, and I said NO, it felt that part of the old me left, and a new me was formed. I don`t know if I like that yet.
At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words life and risk won`t mean anything to you anymore. But don`t try and change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Over time, certain things no longer have an affect on you, and that happens because that`s the way it`s supposed to be. But you`ll learn all that later in life, when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. But it might catch you off guard and happen sooner
I've learned that no matter how much you care, some people don`t deserve you. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are probably more screwed up than you think. I've learned that the people you care about in life are taken away from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
When they knock you down, you not only have to get back up, but you have to make it clear that you won`t be knocked down a second time.
I wasn't born to live up to your standards. I was brought here to live my life for myself, to live my life to the best of my ability. I was born to fight for myself and stand tall. I was taught to give as much as I get, and to love as much as I'm loved.
And now I don't know what I am supposed to do. At all. I think I know what I should do. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know what I am supposedd to do. But I don't know if I can do it. If it's really what I want