Understanding "A WOMEN"

The Bible says that a wife is the weaker vessel, meaning not that she has less physical strength or stamina than her husband, but that she has a more emotional nature and is more inclined to view life and make decisions based on her feelings than is her husband. Because of this, women are also more inclined to look to the marriage relationship for value and significance. When men marry, most are clueless to these differences and consequently, the power they have to inflict emotional pain on their wives. Simply stated, it is this basic difference between men and woman that causes the misunderstandings at the root of so much marital stress. A primary cause of conflict between husbands and wives is that they come from two different perspectives when they communicate. When women attempt to communicate their feelings, they often rooted in fear, dismay, or anxiety, but they use words, cite facts, or employ a tone that causes a man to imagine he is being attacked. Unfortunately, when a man feels attacked he responds defensively. Instead of recognizing that his wife feels distressed by something, he immediately protects himself against the unwarranted “attacks” by discrediting her facts to quell her stress. This perceived lack of compassion will cause his wife to become more frustrated, which evokes more intense communication. A woman’s goal in such a conversation is not to win an argument or to flaunt her superior debating skills. Simply put, she is typically crying out for understanding, and wants her husband to respond with empathy and help. She wants not to be corrected, but to be validated in her distress. That is why a woman might make her points citing “facts” that a man believes are inaccurate. Unfortunately, husbands think they can change their wives’ minds employing logic and reason, and by correcting their misstatements. But women usually aren’t trying to win an argument and don’t want their husbands to tell them that they shouldn’t feel what they know they feel. All they know is that they feel something deeply and want the husbands to understand how they are feeling. Correcting them is a big mistake on their part. Here are a few examples of how women attempt to share their hearts and how husbands perceive their words to be attacks: What she says , What a man hears , What she means Women will say "We need to talk" Men will understand "I need to complain" But in reality she wanted to say "Understand my fears and stress" She will say "I’m having a bad day!" He will understand "If you were a better husband or father, my life wouldn’t be so hard!" But in reality she wanted to convey " Rescue Me, please!" When a woman does something so extreme as to leave her marriage, it is usually because she has sought many times to communicate her fears and distress to her husband, but he has not tried to understand or rescue her. Instead he has invalidated or corrected her feelings. This is especially heart-rending for a woman, because the very reason she chose to entrust herself to this man in the first place was because she believed her heart was safe with him. She was certain he would protect her feelings and make her feel safe -- physically, emotionally, and mentally. Over a period of time, after a woman feels her heart condition has been ignored by the man in whom she sought protection, she decides she can tolerate no more pain. She concludes that not only is he not safe with her heart, but he poses the biggest threat to her. She finally runs away from him in desperation. At that point the husbands feel unjustly abandoned.They want to fix it by apologizing for something, but are annoyed with her at the same time for leaving them.Unfortunately, a woman is not easily won back by a dozen roses and an apology.

The Journey

Begins like this. A young man identifies the woman he wants to marry and begins the business of serious courtship. Time and money are no object, so he throws vast amounts of energy and creativity into the pursuit. He gives gifts, sends cards, writes poems, delivers flowers, plans romantic dinners in elegant restaurants,and enjoys leisurely drives on country roads. He is on a mission. He has a worthy goal. He is motivated. He lets nothing stand in the way of winning the woman of his dreams. She becomes his top priority, and he will not rest until she is his. He is smitten and wants her to know it. He rearranges his busy schedule to spend every possible minute with her. He compliments her warmly. He sings her praises to friends and family. He talks about her constantly. And very slowly he begins to wear her down. That’s right, wear her down. You see, she was a little suspicious at first. He was obviously in hot pursuit, but what exactly did that mean? What was he after? Did he want a cheap thrill or a lasting relationship? A female trophy or a wife he could treasure? She knows the dangers because she has been hurt before. So she wisely guards her heart and maintains her distance. She observes, waits, and analyzes. Can this guy be trusted? Or will he dash her dreams six months after the wedding? She has heard the horror stories, and doesn’t intend to provide the plot for another one. Meanwhile, the diligent young man showers her with attention, affection, and appreciation. He calls her four times a day, fills her mailbox with declarations of love. The weekends are wall-to-wall recreation and romance: dinners, movies,and parties. And now — the offer of a diamond ring. Almost against her will, she feels loved. She feels safe and secure and treasured and prized and wanted. She begins to trust him. She begins to believe that it will last. In fact, she lets herself believe that it will keep getting better and better and that marriage will open the door to a future of unimagined joy. Finally, the last bridge of doubt is crossed and she says, “Yes, yes, I will marry you. You have proved beyond a shadow of doubt that you love me. You have courted me, romanced me, made me feel special and important and treasured. You have convinced me that I am at the top of your priority list. You have won my heart. I will marry you!” So the wedding date is set, the ceremony is carefully planned, and the honeymoon is arranged. It all comes off in storybook style. The newly married couple move into his parents house and the young wife settles into the realities of everyday married life, reveling in the knowledge that she made a wise and wonderful choice for a lifetime partner. And then it happens. Her husband does a terrible, horrible, awful, unthinkable, rotten, and reprehensible thing. Oh, he doesn’t realize he’s doing anything wrong. But he does it, nonetheless, and deeply wounds his sincere, trusting wife. What does he do? He shifts gears. He readjusts his focus. He figures that now that he got the “marriage job” done, it’s time to move on to another objective. He faced one challenge and beat it; now it’s time to face another one. So without giving one thought to how this is going to affect his wife, he calmly rearranges his priorities, reapportions his energies, and launches out on his next mission, most likely in the marketplace.

Loneliness

Family life today is under siege. Families are beset by divorce, a crisis in roles, absenteeism of parents, a breakdown of authority, preoccupation with things, inadequate time together, financial pressures, and a host of other problems. Many women really feel lonely IN their marriage. As hard as it is to feel lonely when you have no significant other, it is even more emotionally difficult when you do have a partner and you feel lonely anyway. When you are single, you at least have the fantasy that one day you’ll meet someone and not be lonely. But when you are married, your loneliness feels infinite and hopeless. You wonder, is it me, is it him or is it us?Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness, abandonment and rejection. You do not need to be alone to feel lonely and lonely is not a good feeling. Much more problematic is when you feel lonely and isolated because in fact, you are under emotional attack. If he criticizes you often, belittles you, tells you that you are nothing without him and threatens to leave or hurt you, then this is emotional abuse. In this setting it’s not unusual for the same man to isolate you from friends and family in order to keep control over the relationship. This is lonely and frightening. This is a relationship you need to get out of.

PoSt WeDdInG BlUeS....!

After months of planning and looking forward to my wedding day, it is only natural to feel a little sad and flat once it is over. I guess, the somber notes are short lived as the pleasure and joy of being married takes hold and you begin to look forward to a brand-new phase of life together.
Today 1 in 10 brides sufferers from desperately low, aimless and disconnected from their newly married state. To them, life after the wedding seems mundane and meaningless with nothing to look forward to,I'm One of them.
Down the aisle I went in the fairy tale fashion I always dreamed of and were sent off in style with my Prince Charming. Now, back at home after the busy year of planning the day I had anticipated my whole life –I realize it is over. The wedding is complete and there is nothing left to plan.
Post wedding let down can often be a difficult time for new brides.The result of investing every emotion and penny possible into one magic day is often aftershock vs. after glow when it is all over.

Thursday,25/08/2005

It's not that I only think of her on this day...there is hardly a day goes by that she doesn't come to my mind. I miss our talks. I miss her! I try to focus on all the love I have in my life but still somewhere i feel EMPTY.I cant believe its been 6 years,It just seems like yesterday.
So many things in life take so long – we draw so much out. Yet death is so quick. Gone. How do you go from having a sister to just not having one?In a blink of an eye its all gone. I just can’t seem to be able to get my head around that. I don't think I am coping with it all very well.
As the time has gone,have started to think that maybe people just don't realise what you actually lose. Its not just simply a brother or a sister,it doesn’t end there my parents lost a child. When these things happen you grieve with them as well and you grieve for them for what they have lost. So while I am trying to deal with losing dii(Shallu), I am also trying to deal with and cope with what all those close people around me have also lost. It is just so much bigger than just losing a sister.

Identity Crisis

Burning is a more intense feeling than emptiness for those who don’t know. The burning feeling inside sometimes felt so bad that it felt like molten lava flowing inside me. This is a very severe sign of a lack of love. I’m wriitng this so that if you feel this way, I want you to know that I KNOW how it feels.I felt so awful inside, I thought I was slowly dying. One day I felt this way,I knew that I needed a “mommy type” to hug me just for a moment.
For the longest time I had identity problems. Here are some examples of the things that happened :
•I would walk past a mirror and gasp when I saw myself. I didn’t recognize myself. That’s me? I look like that? But… I thought I looked different!
•If people told me good things about myself, it would pass through my ears into my brain and then disappear. *Poof* It left me unchanged.
•If someone told me he loved me, or I was attractive or a good girl… I didn’t feel that way after a short while. It didn’t stick in me, didn’t add to me, didn’t become a part of me.
•If I did something extremely well, or built something with my hands out of spare parts, I may have felt an emotional rush for a moment, but by the next day I felt flat again.
But now i wanna heal my identity.......

Go With The FLOW..!

If we go with the flow we become fluid and flexible. Taking on a free-flowing attitude allows us to be like water. Water is the most powerful substance, able to wear away the hardest of obstacles and to pass through seemingly impassable places.Being rigid in our beliefs and inflexible in our attitudes means we are unable to flow with life. If we do not bend, we are more likely to break.
The best way to not only survive but thrive regardless of the changes and challenges life brings is to develop an ability to flow with the tide because if we go against the tide,we are trying to fight reality, and resist change. Change is going to happen, whether you like it or not. Struggling against the changes life brings is not going to achieve anything but frustration and stress.
This doesn’t mean that you have to allow yourself to be swept in directions that are not in line with your goals and desires. It is possible and desirable to steer your own course, within the general direction of the flowing tide. It is just not smart or productive to try and row your little boat against the strong current of life. That is a sure way to get shipwrecked!
We may not know where life will take us, but we can trust that wherever it may be, we will have the strength and stamina to stay afloat. Every turn of the tide offers us opportunities for learning, growth, and adventure, so go with the flow and enjoy!

Never REGRET anything that once made u SMILE

When relationships end, many times there's a lot of regret involved. People spend way too much time feeling sorry for being with someone that, ultimately, disappointed them. They regret all of the “wasted” time spent with someone that wasn’t going to be their “happily ever after” partner.
While it may be common to focus on the negative parts of a relationship following a breakup, at some point, you need to recall the good times that happened, too. There HAD to be SOMETHING in the relationship that was good and made you happy at the time. Even those who have had completely dysfunctional relationships can usually come up with at least a handful of instances where things in their relationships approached normalcy and made them smile.
So, even if your relationship didn’t work out quite like you had hoped it would or had planned for it to, there were moments in it that did bring a smile to your face and laughter into your life.
There were most likely instances where your partner surprised you with either small gifts or expensive ones for no other reason than that they loved you. They may have also planned little getaways as a surprise. It may be something as simple as bringing coffee, tea or a full breakfast to you in bed when you wake up.
No relationship is without some moments that warmed your heart and made you feel good.
Therefore, when you look back on past relationships, search for the moments that brought some happiness to you. While you certainly shouldn’t dwell on the past, it’s perfectly ok to hold those moments of joy close to your heart and remember why you were ever in that relationship. Just never allow yourself to regret anything that once made you smile because that wasn’t a bad moment. It was sweet and it was good, and is something to be recalled with a smile in the present.

MY DEAR PRECIOUS ANGEL (my sister)

I miss you so much it hurts, I know you are around me..but I wish you were here to hold. I will be there someday to hold you forever and I will never have to let you go again. I miss your smile, I see you in my mind.I just don't understand, doesn't He see how much I needed you and how much I still need you.
I tried to smell you on the clothes but the scent was gone. I sleep with your blanket every night although some think I shouldn't. I will never be able to put into words how I feel, I am still so angry and hold a lot of resentment that I know I shouldn't. (Not towards you) I just think of all of the what if's. I am pretty much going through this alone. I know the rest of our family is grieving but you can't ask someone else that is hurting for emotional support. I miss you so much and hope that one day I will see you again and get to spend every moment holding you like It should have been. I LOVE YOU!!!

Being "OKAY"

I've come to realize that you can't get what you want usually. You can't just sit there waiting to be noticed. You can't sit there expecting someone to love you, because the person who feels the same way just may be waiting and sitting like you are. You just need to find each other.
My heart stopped. It just stopped beating. And for the first time in my life, I had that feeling. You know, like the world is moving all around you, all beneath you, all inside you, and you`re floating. Floating in midair. There are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. And when they let you down, shifting from where you`ve carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand.
Every single time that you have asked me to be there for you, I always have been. Even though you weren`t there for me. But this time, when you asked me, and I said NO, it felt that part of the old me left, and a new me was formed. I don`t know if I like that yet.
At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words life and risk won`t mean anything to you anymore. But don`t try and change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Over time, certain things no longer have an affect on you, and that happens because that`s the way it`s supposed to be. But you`ll learn all that later in life, when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. But it might catch you off guard and happen sooner
I've learned that no matter how much you care, some people don`t deserve you. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are probably more screwed up than you think. I've learned that the people you care about in life are taken away from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
When they knock you down, you not only have to get back up, but you have to make it clear that you won`t be knocked down a second time.
I wasn't born to live up to your standards. I was brought here to live my life for myself, to live my life to the best of my ability. I was born to fight for myself and stand tall. I was taught to give as much as I get, and to love as much as I'm loved.
And now I don't know what I am supposed to do. At all. I think I know what I should do. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know what I am supposedd to do. But I don't know if I can do it. If it's really what I want

Tried Making You Understand

The blame game really does not help you. I compare it to seeing the glass half empty.
I know you are not in the category of people that see the glass half full but it really would not hurt you to try to jump the fence and go on their side. It makes life feel a whole lot better.
Did you know you have that choice-the choice of feeling a whole lot better about life? You every read about someone that had something horrible happen to them but yet they pulled themselves from the rubble and made a new start. Often times they did not do this because someone was standing next to the rubble giving them a hand and a brand new set of clothes and a new car to drive away from the rubble in. No, they dusted themselves off with their very own hands after they crawled away from it on hands and knees. Once they were clear they were free to walk or run but there is almost never a hot car ready to speed them away from it all. That really only happens in the movies.
We cannot get you into a positive vibe. It needs to come from you.

Something Bad happened means Something good will happen

It took me years to realize this.I guess what I am really saying, is that for everything bad that happens something works out in your favour to counterbalance it.
One example:
You fall out with a friend, but you make up and become better friends, OR you find a better friend. It always happens as far as I know. Whenever I fall out with someone I become better friends with them later. If someone's mean to me, someone else becomes nicer to me later. It's strange, but it does happen.
It is easy to feel depressed, because of all the loss we suffer. It is easy to want to throw the whole world away and run anywhere, but here. Instead, God gave us the strength to stand our ground and fight back.This is the way it is in every one's life, we will face suffering from death, divorce, sickness and tragedies of all kinds. From these experiences we must grow! We must let go of the bad things we are experiencing and trust that God has a plan for our lives.And that plan is always good or better than before.

Precious Thing Called LOVE :)

We're often told not to give up trying,to get what we want. But there's a thin line between obsession/stalking and having found "the one" true love for you.
Whenever we feel an attraction towards someone, it's never good to push them to return our feelings.Probably we do all stupid things in so-called relationships.May be because we were insecure with ourselves, didn't know our wants or limits, or how to feel about love. We settled for less, giving twice as much, thinking it would eventually work out alright. It never does!!Best we can hope for is the strength to move on, before we've become a complete fool or arrested!
In a real partnership, one might give more than the other sometimes. In the end though, it all works out balanced, healthy, and right for each of them. However, when one partner doesn't care, they rule the relationship, because the one who cares will do anything and everything to make it work out. They become a fool for what they believe is love. Don't ever let this be YOU!!
Nothing in the world that is free is as valuable as love presented to another person. All you can do is show your very best and if that person does not reciprocate then you have done all you can do. It is up to you when you feel you should move on but don't waste something as valuable as your love when it will not be returned.

Remembering Dii on her DEATH ANNIVERSARY

Every year when August 25th hits I think that this year will be different. I won't be sad, I will forget my life shattering 5 years ago. Today is the anniversary of my sister's death. I miss her so much. She was a strength to me in tough times, she gave me support and unconditional love. She was a great mom and a wonderful older sister. It's not that I blame her for leaving ME all alone.I still think about all the times I shared with her. All the times that we had together were so very precious to us. We had a connection that I believe nobody has with anybody, except maybe twins.I often wonder what she would be like if she were alive. I wonder what career goal she would have followed. I wonder if she would have a family of her own. The one thing I do not ever wonder about though is whether we would still be as close. I know, in my head and my heart that we would be just as close if not closer than ever before. I always asked GOD WHY HER...?
I have told myself ever since the day she died, that if I live to have a family of my own, I will tell my children about my experiences with Dii.. When my kids will be old enough to understand what I went through with Dii, her death, and how I coped, then I will share it all with them.

Building Up Wallz

"Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping beauty let her whole life pass by, Belle fell in love with a beast, Pocahontas risked her life for a feast, Jasmine could have had anyone but she chose a poor man, and Ariel, she walked on land."
So many people dislike fairy tales because it makes us believe in love, believe that a prince will swoop down and save us when something goes wrong. But I’ve come to realize that in every fairytale-like movie, every girl took a risk. Took a risk for love, took a risk in the name of love.
So, how do we know if our own fairytale won’t really happen if we don’t try, if we stop believing in love?
I know it’s hard for some of you to put down their guard and to learn to trust someone else sometimes. I know because I’ve been through it. People like us, we distance ourselves from people we genuinely like just because we are afraid to get hurt. But does building up these walls ultimately saves us from hurting?

Sounding SELFISH isnt it...?

I had always heard about relationships bad ending's but never thought they were so bad.They are AWFUL.I just wish everything would get better but NOooo how hard we try IN THE END IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER.Everything happens according to our DESTINY..what all is written up there can not be changed.People say its the matter of hard work but I'm sorry not in relationship's .If we have to live in the REAL WORLD we have to have a practical living,thinking.We are not the actors in a soap or a film, struggling for life and still feels happy about it.Everybody loves to have a secured,soothing,stable life.Although no one can be a futurist but still some how if you know that you gonna struggle hard to survive then who's gonna jump in that condition,some times people does and after wards regret.I am not one of those who regret later on or blame others for their condition.What i do i do it in full confidence otherwise i don't.

Selfish Mean..........

So I have a whole package of personal issues and all that I'm trying very hard to resolve.
And I am trying to be nice and help everyone as much as I can.
But most of the time I end up looking like an a**hole that doesn't care about anyone else but myself.
The problem is I do not look like I have issues I look normal and happy.
but that's because i grew up like that.
Wow i don't even know where to start in fact, I have so much junk in my head.
I frequently end up doing something that i don't like doing because i try to be nice but it burns me up inside. And when I refuse I end up being an a**hole.
How do i deal with this. Because to everyone around me I appear normal so when i say I cant help them they look at me as selfish. when I really want to get my own head straight before worrying about everyone else.
I look normal and happy from outside but thats because i try to keep positive attitude even when there's nothing at all to back it up and it takes a lot of energy to stay like that and not fall into depression but its not obvious to others.

Choosing Between Love And Parents

It all begins when the whole saying "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN THE WATER"comes into play.I just hate the feeling that someone is going to get hurt in the end,whether it's me sacrificing my happiness to make my parents happy or making my parents upset or breaking someone's heart.
I'd like to believe that a happy ending is possible. Am I being naive romantic in choosing love and someone that makes me happy? Or should I self-sacrifice to appease my family?
While seeing the life,we are living in and with the people around i had come to something...which i wanna share....
A suitable match made by parents is likely to be more deliberate; one that time has proved appropriate, and one dictated entirely by their experience an insight their children do not yet possess. Having lived most of their life and learnt the usefulness of certain attributes, mothers and fathers are likely to see qualities such as security, commitment, a good education and great financial and career prospects as paramount in selecting a spouse for their offspring
In short, the parents' choice of partners for their children is usually based on intellectual and material needs while the youngsters themselves seek partners to satisfy physical, emotional ones.The final element young people seek is excitement. And they get that in abundance in the early days of feeling in love' and besotted. In the absence of experience and knowledge, young adults have to rely upon their own instincts, physical demands and individual sensitivity to decide on a mate.
Attraction for most in-love couples at the youthful stage is thus spontaneous and more physical, giving maximum excitement almost reckless, in fact. Ruled totally by emotion and physical needs, it has little time for studied, parental logic, especially if this choice is in opposition to their own!

TOXIC Relationship

Walking away is not easy. Staying away is even harder.It is a day to day battle that allows true strength to emerge.

We will constantly say that the “fight” is silly.The question iz Has the toxic person really changed? Did the events that have recently unfolded been the catalyst to promoting change in that person? Have they shown proof of the change? Do not think that a simple apology or even everyone expecting that things should just go back to normal is evidence of true change. True change takes time. If it happens immediately, which I tend to doubt being true, deep changes, then time should still be taken to ensure that the change will last.Common sense says that if they have changed, then they should understand the need of caution and the importance of seeing long term proof of the change before any sort of commitment can be made to a future with them.

What will happen if they are forgiven and life gets back to normal and the toxic person has not changed?
someone with a history
of or suspicion of possible violence, then more care must be taken in considering whether to believe in the miracle of instant change.

Walking away or ending a relationship is not easy. Some people may make it look easy. When there is a history with the person,it becomes a life or death issue.

It took strength to walk away. It will take even more strength to stay away. With time, the strength required will appear to lessen.

Sister,I LOVE YOU

Diii you were the strongest girl of our home...you did the hard chores,you helped mother at work.You were so simple but alwayz received the blame.You always yearned for love and name but life can be so cruel neva thought.Thanxs for all the times you helped me to face the hardships.When the love and evrything was fading from our family you were the one who took the courage to help us recover back.You looked after me and kept me safe.I miss those fights...i miss those laughs.....You were a piece of heart which no one can take apart because you mean so so much to me.
u use to hold me tight,u use to kiss me goodnight,u use to know when im mad,u use to know when im sad
I have trouble bringing up vivid memories of u. It's not that they don't exist, it's that they stay below the surface most of the time It is a sight I will never forget and it haunted me for many months afterwards. It was if my heart had been ripped out of me for I had lost my very best friend and one of the people I admired most in the world.Many people don’t get that chance and lament about having just a little more time to tell someone how much they were loved. My sister had no doubt of how much I loved her. Yes, we had arguments, but never stayed angry with each other long, and usually ended up laughing and joking about our silly argument. NOTHING is more important than love and family, and my beloved sister, dii taught that to me more than anyone else. Her death is the hardest thing I ever faced in my life. Grief is such a painful experience and, unfortunately, the pain is there for a long time. When I could not sleep,write my thoughts down or just talk out loud to myself when no one else was available to listen.
I still miss her and sometimes cry, and I believe the pain of her loss will ALWAYS be there.I call your name and u dnt answer back,and i look for you in every familiar place
CAN I GET U BACK.........