PoSt WeDdInG BlUeS....!

After months of planning and looking forward to my wedding day, it is only natural to feel a little sad and flat once it is over. I guess, the somber notes are short lived as the pleasure and joy of being married takes hold and you begin to look forward to a brand-new phase of life together.
Today 1 in 10 brides sufferers from desperately low, aimless and disconnected from their newly married state. To them, life after the wedding seems mundane and meaningless with nothing to look forward to,I'm One of them.
Down the aisle I went in the fairy tale fashion I always dreamed of and were sent off in style with my Prince Charming. Now, back at home after the busy year of planning the day I had anticipated my whole life –I realize it is over. The wedding is complete and there is nothing left to plan.
Post wedding let down can often be a difficult time for new brides.The result of investing every emotion and penny possible into one magic day is often aftershock vs. after glow when it is all over.

Thursday,25/08/2005

It's not that I only think of her on this day...there is hardly a day goes by that she doesn't come to my mind. I miss our talks. I miss her! I try to focus on all the love I have in my life but still somewhere i feel EMPTY.I cant believe its been 6 years,It just seems like yesterday.
So many things in life take so long – we draw so much out. Yet death is so quick. Gone. How do you go from having a sister to just not having one?In a blink of an eye its all gone. I just can’t seem to be able to get my head around that. I don't think I am coping with it all very well.
As the time has gone,have started to think that maybe people just don't realise what you actually lose. Its not just simply a brother or a sister,it doesn’t end there my parents lost a child. When these things happen you grieve with them as well and you grieve for them for what they have lost. So while I am trying to deal with losing dii(Shallu), I am also trying to deal with and cope with what all those close people around me have also lost. It is just so much bigger than just losing a sister.

Identity Crisis

Burning is a more intense feeling than emptiness for those who don’t know. The burning feeling inside sometimes felt so bad that it felt like molten lava flowing inside me. This is a very severe sign of a lack of love. I’m wriitng this so that if you feel this way, I want you to know that I KNOW how it feels.I felt so awful inside, I thought I was slowly dying. One day I felt this way,I knew that I needed a “mommy type” to hug me just for a moment.
For the longest time I had identity problems. Here are some examples of the things that happened :
•I would walk past a mirror and gasp when I saw myself. I didn’t recognize myself. That’s me? I look like that? But… I thought I looked different!
•If people told me good things about myself, it would pass through my ears into my brain and then disappear. *Poof* It left me unchanged.
•If someone told me he loved me, or I was attractive or a good girl… I didn’t feel that way after a short while. It didn’t stick in me, didn’t add to me, didn’t become a part of me.
•If I did something extremely well, or built something with my hands out of spare parts, I may have felt an emotional rush for a moment, but by the next day I felt flat again.
But now i wanna heal my identity.......

Go With The FLOW..!

If we go with the flow we become fluid and flexible. Taking on a free-flowing attitude allows us to be like water. Water is the most powerful substance, able to wear away the hardest of obstacles and to pass through seemingly impassable places.Being rigid in our beliefs and inflexible in our attitudes means we are unable to flow with life. If we do not bend, we are more likely to break.
The best way to not only survive but thrive regardless of the changes and challenges life brings is to develop an ability to flow with the tide because if we go against the tide,we are trying to fight reality, and resist change. Change is going to happen, whether you like it or not. Struggling against the changes life brings is not going to achieve anything but frustration and stress.
This doesn’t mean that you have to allow yourself to be swept in directions that are not in line with your goals and desires. It is possible and desirable to steer your own course, within the general direction of the flowing tide. It is just not smart or productive to try and row your little boat against the strong current of life. That is a sure way to get shipwrecked!
We may not know where life will take us, but we can trust that wherever it may be, we will have the strength and stamina to stay afloat. Every turn of the tide offers us opportunities for learning, growth, and adventure, so go with the flow and enjoy!

Never REGRET anything that once made u SMILE

When relationships end, many times there's a lot of regret involved. People spend way too much time feeling sorry for being with someone that, ultimately, disappointed them. They regret all of the “wasted” time spent with someone that wasn’t going to be their “happily ever after” partner.
While it may be common to focus on the negative parts of a relationship following a breakup, at some point, you need to recall the good times that happened, too. There HAD to be SOMETHING in the relationship that was good and made you happy at the time. Even those who have had completely dysfunctional relationships can usually come up with at least a handful of instances where things in their relationships approached normalcy and made them smile.
So, even if your relationship didn’t work out quite like you had hoped it would or had planned for it to, there were moments in it that did bring a smile to your face and laughter into your life.
There were most likely instances where your partner surprised you with either small gifts or expensive ones for no other reason than that they loved you. They may have also planned little getaways as a surprise. It may be something as simple as bringing coffee, tea or a full breakfast to you in bed when you wake up.
No relationship is without some moments that warmed your heart and made you feel good.
Therefore, when you look back on past relationships, search for the moments that brought some happiness to you. While you certainly shouldn’t dwell on the past, it’s perfectly ok to hold those moments of joy close to your heart and remember why you were ever in that relationship. Just never allow yourself to regret anything that once made you smile because that wasn’t a bad moment. It was sweet and it was good, and is something to be recalled with a smile in the present.

MY DEAR PRECIOUS ANGEL (my sister)

I miss you so much it hurts, I know you are around me..but I wish you were here to hold. I will be there someday to hold you forever and I will never have to let you go again. I miss your smile, I see you in my mind.I just don't understand, doesn't He see how much I needed you and how much I still need you.
I tried to smell you on the clothes but the scent was gone. I sleep with your blanket every night although some think I shouldn't. I will never be able to put into words how I feel, I am still so angry and hold a lot of resentment that I know I shouldn't. (Not towards you) I just think of all of the what if's. I am pretty much going through this alone. I know the rest of our family is grieving but you can't ask someone else that is hurting for emotional support. I miss you so much and hope that one day I will see you again and get to spend every moment holding you like It should have been. I LOVE YOU!!!

Being "OKAY"

I've come to realize that you can't get what you want usually. You can't just sit there waiting to be noticed. You can't sit there expecting someone to love you, because the person who feels the same way just may be waiting and sitting like you are. You just need to find each other.
My heart stopped. It just stopped beating. And for the first time in my life, I had that feeling. You know, like the world is moving all around you, all beneath you, all inside you, and you`re floating. Floating in midair. There are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. And when they let you down, shifting from where you`ve carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand.
Every single time that you have asked me to be there for you, I always have been. Even though you weren`t there for me. But this time, when you asked me, and I said NO, it felt that part of the old me left, and a new me was formed. I don`t know if I like that yet.
At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words life and risk won`t mean anything to you anymore. But don`t try and change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Over time, certain things no longer have an affect on you, and that happens because that`s the way it`s supposed to be. But you`ll learn all that later in life, when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. But it might catch you off guard and happen sooner
I've learned that no matter how much you care, some people don`t deserve you. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are probably more screwed up than you think. I've learned that the people you care about in life are taken away from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
When they knock you down, you not only have to get back up, but you have to make it clear that you won`t be knocked down a second time.
I wasn't born to live up to your standards. I was brought here to live my life for myself, to live my life to the best of my ability. I was born to fight for myself and stand tall. I was taught to give as much as I get, and to love as much as I'm loved.
And now I don't know what I am supposed to do. At all. I think I know what I should do. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know what I am supposedd to do. But I don't know if I can do it. If it's really what I want

Tried Making You Understand

The blame game really does not help you. I compare it to seeing the glass half empty.
I know you are not in the category of people that see the glass half full but it really would not hurt you to try to jump the fence and go on their side. It makes life feel a whole lot better.
Did you know you have that choice-the choice of feeling a whole lot better about life? You every read about someone that had something horrible happen to them but yet they pulled themselves from the rubble and made a new start. Often times they did not do this because someone was standing next to the rubble giving them a hand and a brand new set of clothes and a new car to drive away from the rubble in. No, they dusted themselves off with their very own hands after they crawled away from it on hands and knees. Once they were clear they were free to walk or run but there is almost never a hot car ready to speed them away from it all. That really only happens in the movies.
We cannot get you into a positive vibe. It needs to come from you.

Something Bad happened means Something good will happen

It took me years to realize this.I guess what I am really saying, is that for everything bad that happens something works out in your favour to counterbalance it.
One example:
You fall out with a friend, but you make up and become better friends, OR you find a better friend. It always happens as far as I know. Whenever I fall out with someone I become better friends with them later. If someone's mean to me, someone else becomes nicer to me later. It's strange, but it does happen.
It is easy to feel depressed, because of all the loss we suffer. It is easy to want to throw the whole world away and run anywhere, but here. Instead, God gave us the strength to stand our ground and fight back.This is the way it is in every one's life, we will face suffering from death, divorce, sickness and tragedies of all kinds. From these experiences we must grow! We must let go of the bad things we are experiencing and trust that God has a plan for our lives.And that plan is always good or better than before.