Understanding "A WOMEN"

The Bible says that a wife is the weaker vessel, meaning not that she has less physical strength or stamina than her husband, but that she has a more emotional nature and is more inclined to view life and make decisions based on her feelings than is her husband. Because of this, women are also more inclined to look to the marriage relationship for value and significance. When men marry, most are clueless to these differences and consequently, the power they have to inflict emotional pain on their wives. Simply stated, it is this basic difference between men and woman that causes the misunderstandings at the root of so much marital stress. A primary cause of conflict between husbands and wives is that they come from two different perspectives when they communicate. When women attempt to communicate their feelings, they often rooted in fear, dismay, or anxiety, but they use words, cite facts, or employ a tone that causes a man to imagine he is being attacked. Unfortunately, when a man feels attacked he responds defensively. Instead of recognizing that his wife feels distressed by something, he immediately protects himself against the unwarranted “attacks” by discrediting her facts to quell her stress. This perceived lack of compassion will cause his wife to become more frustrated, which evokes more intense communication. A woman’s goal in such a conversation is not to win an argument or to flaunt her superior debating skills. Simply put, she is typically crying out for understanding, and wants her husband to respond with empathy and help. She wants not to be corrected, but to be validated in her distress. That is why a woman might make her points citing “facts” that a man believes are inaccurate. Unfortunately, husbands think they can change their wives’ minds employing logic and reason, and by correcting their misstatements. But women usually aren’t trying to win an argument and don’t want their husbands to tell them that they shouldn’t feel what they know they feel. All they know is that they feel something deeply and want the husbands to understand how they are feeling. Correcting them is a big mistake on their part. Here are a few examples of how women attempt to share their hearts and how husbands perceive their words to be attacks: What she says , What a man hears , What she means Women will say "We need to talk" Men will understand "I need to complain" But in reality she wanted to say "Understand my fears and stress" She will say "I’m having a bad day!" He will understand "If you were a better husband or father, my life wouldn’t be so hard!" But in reality she wanted to convey " Rescue Me, please!" When a woman does something so extreme as to leave her marriage, it is usually because she has sought many times to communicate her fears and distress to her husband, but he has not tried to understand or rescue her. Instead he has invalidated or corrected her feelings. This is especially heart-rending for a woman, because the very reason she chose to entrust herself to this man in the first place was because she believed her heart was safe with him. She was certain he would protect her feelings and make her feel safe -- physically, emotionally, and mentally. Over a period of time, after a woman feels her heart condition has been ignored by the man in whom she sought protection, she decides she can tolerate no more pain. She concludes that not only is he not safe with her heart, but he poses the biggest threat to her. She finally runs away from him in desperation. At that point the husbands feel unjustly abandoned.They want to fix it by apologizing for something, but are annoyed with her at the same time for leaving them.Unfortunately, a woman is not easily won back by a dozen roses and an apology.